Marriage is based on the Christ/church relationship and pictures the Christ/church relationship.  Marriage is closely connected to the gospel.  That means my question – how should the gospel shape our marriages? – is not incidental but essential.  The gospel must shape our marriages because our marriages are based on the gospel and point to the gospel.  So how should the gospel shape our marriages?

In the last post we noted that our marriages should have a sacrificial giving of ourselves to each other – as Christ sacrificially gave of himself for the church, and the church sacrificially submits itself to Christ.  Now we want to consider a second way that the gospel should shape our marriages – a commitment to grow in holiness.

In Ephesians 5:25-27, we find that Christ sacrificially gave of himself to make the church holy.  “In the same way husbands should love their wives…” (v28).  As Christ makes the church holy, so husbands should seek the holiness of their wives.  A husband’s leadership (see last post) includes spiritual leading as he seeks to help his wife grow in holiness.  Men, are we doing this?  Are we encouraging our wives in their daily time with the Lord?  Are we taking them to church, and leading them to serve in the church?  Are we praying for them and with them?  Are we leading our wives to grow in holiness?

What about wives?  Can they help their husbands grow in holiness?  At first look, the answer might be no.  The church does not help Christ grow in holiness, so the wife should not help her husband grow in holiness.  But we need to understand that, while the husband is patterned after Christ, he is not Christ.  Christ was sinless, husbands are not.  (If any men have any doubts about this, ask your wife, and she will clear it up for you!)  Husbands need to grow in holiness.  So it would seem that wives could encourage their husbands to grow.  Not nag.  Not try to lead.  But gently encourage their husbands.

Yet marriage is more than just helping each other grow.  Marriage itself is a laboratory for growth.  The gospel reminds us that Christ gave of himself (v25).  He humbled himself unto death (Philippians 2:8).  And part of our response is to deny ourselves, take up our cross, and follow him (Matthew 16:24).  An important part of growth is this self-denial, this humbling, this giving of ourselves – this becoming like Jesus.  This means that marriage is a great context for growth because a huge part of marriage is a sacrificial giving of ourselves (see last post).  If we commit to the sacrificial roles God designed for us, we will grow more like Christ, we will grow in holiness.

So marriage is based on the gospel and is a picture of the gospel.  Our marriages must be shaped by the gospel.  This happens as we sacrificially give of ourselves and commit to grow in holiness.  We will look at two final aspects of a gospel shaped marriage in the next post.