Category: Family/Single Life

Purity in Conduct

On By BrianIn Book of Acts, Family/Single Life1 Comment

In Acts 15, the Jerusalem Council requested the Gentile believers to avoid four things.  We addressed three of them yesterday.  The fourth item they were to avoid was sexual immorality.  Why focus on this?  Probably because it was a big issue of the day.  Sexual immorality was part of the culture, indeed part of the pagan worship.  And the Gentile believers needed to understand that sexual immorality was not how Christians acted.  They may have lived that way before, but as Christians they couldn’t anymore.  They had a new life in Christ.  They needed to pursue purity in conduct.

Much has changed in 2000 years, but sexual immorality is one of the big sins in our culture today as it was back then.  Sexual immorality is in the air we breathe, but it must not be found in Christians.  We can’t hook up for a one night stand.  We can’t live together.  We can’t have an affair.  We can’t engage in homosexual activity.  We must flee all sexual immorality.  We must pursue purity in conduct.

Embracing God’s Sexual Boundaries

On By BrianIn Family/Single Life

In Genesis 2 and Matthew 19, God defines marriage as being between a man and a woman who leave their parents, join together, and become one flesh.  This becoming one flesh is understood to be directly related to the act of sex.  I Corinthians 6:15-16 make this clear.  In this passage, Paul tells the Christians not to participate with a prostitute, because in doing so they become one flesh with her.  Sex, or becoming one flesh with another, is to occur only in marriage.  This is God’s sexual boundary.

Paul goes on in verse 18 to tell the Christians to flee sexual immorality; that is, any sex outside of God’s boundary.  And he gives three reasons to flee: sexual immorality desecrates the body of Christ (v15-16), degrades one’s own body (v18), and in doing so desecrates God’s temple (v19-20).  We need to take this seriously.

None of this should need to be said.  But we need to be reminded because we live in a world where people hitch up for one night stands, dating couples sleep together, and unmarried couples live together.  But God has called Christians to be different.  We are to be holy as he is holy.  We are to hold to his boundaries.

And that means more than just abstinence.  Colossians 3:5 tells us:

Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.

God’s boundaries mean we don’t want to possess another person (covet them).  It means we don’t lust after them (evil desires and passions).  It means we don’t act on those lusts (impurity).  All of these things, as well as sexual immorality, must be put to death.

That means single people must guard their minds and hearts from coveting and lust.  They must say no to these temptations.  Rather than see how close to the edge they can get without committing sexual immorality, they must put it to death long before it gets to that point.  They must embrace God’s sexual boundaries.  They must keep themselves pure.

That means people with homosexual tendencies must guard their minds and hearts from coveting and lust.  They too must say no to these temptations, as well as temptations further down the path.  They must embrace God’s sexual boundaries.  They must keep themselves pure.

That means that married people must guard their minds and hearts.  Should their eye or mind or heart start to drift toward someone other than their spouse, they must put that temptation to death.  They too must embrace God’s sexual boundaries.  They must keep themselves pure.

No matter what position in life we find ourselves, we must flee sexual immorality.  We must embrace God’s sexual boundaries.  We must be holy as God is holy.

Embrace God’s Definition of Marriage

On By BrianIn Family/Single Life1 Comment

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife,
and they shall become one flesh.
– Genesis 2:24

At the very beginning, God the Creator defines marriage as one man and one woman who leave their parents, hold fast to each other, and become one flesh.  In Matthew 19:5, Jesus reaffirms this definition.

Unless you have been living under a rock for the last 20 years, you know that there is a growing movement to redefine marriage as being between any two people, including two men or two women.  Other countries have legalized so called same sex marriage.  Certain states in our own country have done so, and other states are considering it at the next election.  Many believe the Supreme Court will take up the issue in their next term.

As we consider the possibility that our country may soon legally define marriage as between any two people, it is important for us to recognize three distinctions:

  • Legal vs. Right – Our government determines what is legal, but God determines what is right…and wrong.  So if our government should legalize so called same sex marriage, that still won’t make it right.
  • Legal vs Real – Again our government determines what is legal, but God defines what is real.  He created reality and he defines it.  He defines reality so that if I hold my pen in the air and let it go, my pen will drop.  I can reject the law of gravity, but it is still real, and I am still bound to it.  He defined real marriage between a man and a woman.  I can reject his definition, but it is still real, and I am still bound to it.
  • Legal vs True – Our government determines what is legal, but God determines what is true – that which agrees with reality.  I have a cat.  I can call it a dog, but that doesn’t make it true, because it doesn’t agree with reality.  We can call two men or two women married, but that doesn’t make it true, because it doesn’t agree with reality.

As Christians we need to hold to God’s definition of marriage.  No matter what our culture or government thinks, we must hold to the teachings of our Savior.  We must hold to the definition of our Creator.  We must hold to Biblical truth.  We must hold to what is right, real, and true.  We must believe it and live it, no matter how unpopular it may be.

Some will say that this position is not loving.  But we must remember that love “does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth” (I Corinthians 13:6).  It is not loving to legalize something that is not right.  It is not loving to create a legal fiction and tell people they are married when they really aren’t.  If we love people, we must hold to the God’s definition of marriage, the only right, real, and true definition there is.

Family: Love or Disintegration?

On By BrianIn Family/Single Life

We see the disintegration of the family all around us: divorcing couples, rebellious children, absent fathers, abusive parents, siblings who haven’t spoken to each other in years.  As we look around, things are not what they should be.

And we all contribute to the disintegration of God’s design for the family.  We do it with our words when they are unkind, hurtful, mean, and cutting.  We do it with our attitudes when they are angry, bitter, resentful, or grumpy.

At the end of all this disintegration is simply a failure to love.  We are too often selfish people living as though it is all about us.  But God calls us to love our neighbor as ourselves.  And our closest neighbors are our own families.  We need to truly love our families, and this love must be:

  • Other-centered – Jesus came not to be served, but to serve (Matthew 20:28).  And we are to look not only to our own interests, but to the interests of others (Philippians 2:4).  And this includes our families.  We need to look to the needs of our families instead of focusing on ourselves.  We need to go beyond feeling (because sometimes we won’t feel like loving), and choose to love even when it is hard.  Our love for our families must be other-centered.
  • Faithful – Jesus came and loved his disciples until the very end (John 13:1).  True love never ends (I Corinthians 13:8).  Our love for our families must be faithful; it must be lasting.  Husband for wife, wife for husband, parents for children, children for parents.  Our love for our families must be faithful.
  • Sacrificial – Jesus loved us so much he sacrificed himself for our us, and we are to have that same love for others (Ephesians 5:2).  That means we must be willing to sacrifice our wants, our time, our agendas, our hopes, our dreams for the good of our families.  Our love for our families must be sacrificial.

In the midst of all the disintegration, it is this other-centered, faithful, sacrificial love that will bind our families together.

Are you showing this kind of love for your family?

Wedding Charge

On By BrianIn Family/Single Life

I was able to officiate at a wedding last weekend.  It was a beautiful ceremony on the beach of Lake Michigan.  The charge they asked me to use was from the Christian Wedding Planner by Ruth Muzzy and R. Kent Hughes – a book I highly recommend.  The charge contained many things we may seldom consider in our day.  For those of you who are married, I thought it might be helpful to reflect on these words which I slightly modified for last weekend’s wedding:

Today you are presenting yourselves before this congregation to declare your intention of uniting your lives voluntarily and honorably for the service of God and man.  You are making a double dedication:

  • To each other, in a lasting and indivisible union that shall endure for the remaining years of your lives;
  • And to God, that he may make you his dual instrument for the accomplishment of his purpose both in and by your personalities. 

The achievement of this purpose will require

  • Appreciation of each other’s abilities and virtues,
  • Forgiveness of each other’s faults, and
  • Unfailing devotion to each other’s welfare and development. 

There must be on your part a united consent to the purpose of God as he progressively reveals it to you by his Word and by his Spirit, and an unhesitant acceptance by faith of the challenges that he sets before you.

I charge you, therefore, first of all, to consider that your promises to each other are made in the presence of a God who remembers your pledges and who holds you responsible for performing them.  They must be kept inviolable before Him.

I admonish you to keep in mind that each of you is the object of Christ’s redemption and should be valued accordingly.  Neither should be neglected or belittled by the other.  Esteem each other as God’s gift for mutual aid, comfort, and joy, and as a repository of complete confidence and trust.

I encourage you to share willingly and sympathetically your joys and worries, your successes and your struggles, and to be neither conceited by the former nor depressed by the latter.  Whichever may prevail, cling closely to each other, that defeats may be met by a united strength and victories by a united joy.

I charge you to make your home a place where you will have a refuge from the storms of life not only for yourselves but also for all who enter your home.  Let it be a haven for the weary, a source of uplift for the discouraged, and a convincing testimony to a cynical world.

In short, recognize the Lord Jesus Christ as the head of your house, the ruler of your destinies, and the object of your deepest affection.  If you do, he will confirm your marriage by his guidance and will overshadow it with his peace.  I charge you to love each other, to support each other, and to serve him with sincere hearts and determined wills until your mutual service for him shall be completed.

May God help our marriages look more and more like this, that they might be authentic reflections of Christ and his church.

Family Worship Month

On By BrianIn Family/Single Life

I have mentioned before the idea of Family Worship – a regular time for the family to gather together around the Word and prayer.  My family has been doing it for several years – and it is a highlight of our kids’ day. 

To help promote the idea, some folks have declared January to be Family Worship Month, and January 29 to be Family Worship Sunday.  Their blog has numerous articles from various Christian leaders (living and dead) on the importance of Family Worship.  Well worth checking out.

For a brief but helpful book introducing Family Worship, pick up Donald Whitney’s book.

Family Worship

On By BrianIn Family/Single Life

A few years ago I came across this idea of Family Worship.  The idea is simply to gather daily as a family to worship God together through the Word, prayer, and praise.  So we started doing it.  Now my children will often come and tell me it is time for family time (as we call it).  When we are going to miss a day, my children are often disappointed.  Family time has become a special time for us to be together and focus on the One who should be the center of our family.   

If you don’t have a daily time of family worship, I highly recommend it.  To get started, check out Jason Helopoulos’ 11 reasons to worship with your family.  Then continue with his what, when, and how of family worship.  Then just do it.  You and your family will be glad you did.

Consummation: Marriage Transcended

On By BrianIn Family/Single Life

At Creation, God defined marriage.  At the Fall, marriage was complicated.  In Redemption, marriage can be transformed by grace.  At the Consummation, marriage will be transcended.

There will be no marriage in heaven, in the resurrection, in the New Earth.  Jesus makes this clear in Luke 20:34-36:

And Jesus said to them, “The sons of this age marry and are given in marriage, but those who are considered worthy to attain to that age and to the resurrection from the dead neither marry nor are given in marriage, for they cannot die anymore, because they are equal to angels and are sons of God, being sons of the resurrection.
– Luke 20:34-36

At least two things follow from this.  First, marriage is not the ultimate reality.  God is.  While I must be the best spouse I can be, my first allegiance is to God.  I dare not let marriage become an idol that I put before God.

Second, this life is all I have to be the best spouse I can be.  One day I will be conformed into the image of Christ, but then it will be too late for me to be a better spouse because then there will be no more marriage.  This life is all I have.  And this life is short.  There are no guarantees of tomorrow.  This day is all I have to be the best spouse I can be.  Perhaps God will give us tomorrow.  In that case, it will be another opportunity to be the best spouse I can be.  It is too easy to put this off, to assume that we have lots of time.  But we may not.  Let’s use each day as a new opportunity to be the best spouse we can be. 

What will you do today to be build your marriage, to show your love, to be a better spouse?

Fall/Redemption: Marriage Complicated and Transformed

On By BrianIn Family/Single Life

In creation, God defined marriage.  And we would all live happlily ever after, except for the Fall.

Fall: Marriage Complicated

Because of our sin, the world is now cursed.  That mutual help between spouses has been complicated by much harder work.  Spouses get sick, grow old, and die.  Couples can see their children die.  Other couples aren’t able to have children.  The Fall complicates marriage, and that doesn’t even take into account our sin.

There is a great book title by Dave Harvey called “When Sinners Say I Do.”  You married a sinner.  So did your spouse.  And our sin complicates marriage in untold ways.  Selfishness can wreak havoc on companionship.  Self-centeredness can destroy mutual help.  A spouse can refuse to really leave parents.  Couples divorce.  A spouse may have an affair.  Even children can be turned into idols.  Hurtful words and actions.  Explosions of anger.  Strife.  Abuse.  A lack of love.  Sin can hurt marriages in countless ways and bring untold heartache, pain, struggle, turmoil, and misery.  Your spouse is a sinner.  So are you.  And if God left marriage there, we would be in a heap of trouble.  But God didn’t leave marriage there, which brings us to redemption.

Redemption: Marriage Transformed By Grace

In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace. – Ephesians 1:7

We deserved judgment for our sins.  But Jesus died so that we could be forgiven of every sin.  Instead of judgment, we received grace.  And as we receive his grace, our marriages can be transformed as we extend that grace to our spouse. 

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
– Ephesians 4:31-32

These words were written in the context of the church family, but they apply incredibly well to marriage as well.  Instead of having marriages full of anger and malice, God calls us to forgive as he forgave us.  To extend the grace we received to our spouse.  And as we recognize our sin and receive God’s grace, we can then also acknowledge our sin to our spouse and seek their forgiveness.  As spouses extend and receive grace from each other, they can reconcile with each other instead of letting divisions linger.  They can follow the instructions given just a few verses earlier: “do not let the sun go down on your anger” (Ephesians 4:26).

Marriage is transformed by grace as spouses extend and receive grace from each other.  But grace transforms marriage in another way:

For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age.
– Titus 2:11-12

God’s grace not only forgives sin, but it trains us not to continue in it.  God’s grace can help us be the people God created us to be.  His grace can help us overcome the sin that wrecks marriages.  His grace can help us be better wives and husbands as we cooperate with God’s working in our lives.

So marriage is complicated by the Fall.  But Jesus came not only to save us from our sins, but also to transform our marriages by his grace.  As we receive grace from God, we can extend that grace to our spouse and receive grace from our spouse.  As we cooperate with God’s grace, we can begin to overcome sin and become better husbands and wives.  May we grow in the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ!

Creation: Marriage Defined

On By BrianIn Family/Single Life3 Comments

In the last few posts we have focused on the single life.  Starting with this post, we now want to consider marriage.  We want to consider marriage because many are married.  We also need to think biblically about marriage in the midst of a culture which is increasingly rejecting God’s definition of marriage.  So today we begin with creation where we find marriage defined in Genesis 2:18-25:

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said,
“This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

From this passage we see that marriage is defined as:

Close Companionship – It was not good for man to be alone.  He needed a companion. Marriage is about companionship.  Living life together.  Loving each other.  Doing things together.  Talking and listening. 

Mutual Help – God said he would make a helper fit for the man.  Marriage is about mutual help, as each spouse helps the other.  Often each spouse will bring different strengths, abilities, and interests to the marriage that complement each other and allow them to help each other.  The husband and wife each have different roles that they are to fulfill, and in doing so, help each other.  When one is sick or tired or overwhelmed, the other can help.  There should be a willingness to serve the other.

Between a Man and a Woman – These verses are very clear that marriage is between a man and a woman.  Much of our culture rejects that idea, but God is very clear about what he defines as marriage.  Enough said.

Leave Parents – A man shall leave his father and his mother.  Marriage entails leaving one’s parents.  Not neglecting or ignoring, but a real leaving.  The couple is forming a new family.  Neither one can keep going back to Mom or Dad.  One’s spouse must now be that primary relationship. 

Hold Fast – The man is to hold fast to his wife.  Marriage is about a commitment.  The couple is to hold fast to one another.  The KJV uses the word cleave.  They are to cling to each other and never let go.  They are glued to each other.  It is to be a permanent thing.  As Jesus says in Matthew 19:6 – “What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”  This puts the commitment in a whole new light.  It is not just a commitment between two individuals, but rather God himself joins them together.

One Flesh – They shall become one flesh.  It is within the covenant of marriage that sex is to take place.  Again much of our culture has rejected this, but God is very clear.  And this one flesh relationship is very important in marriage.  Paul reminds us in I Corinthians 7:3-5, that sex is to be a regular part of the marriage relationship.  What’s more, each one belongs to the other.  They are truly one.

Possibility of Children – In Genesis 1:28, God blesses Adam and Eve and calls them to be fruitful and multiply.  The one flesh relationship of a husband and wife brings the possibility of children as God blesses.

In Creation then, God defines marriage as a close companionship of mutual help between a man and a woman who leave their parents, hold fast to each other in a one flesh relationship with the possibility of children.  Is this your view of marriage?  And if you are married, are there areas where you need to grow in living out this definistion more fully?