Tag: Christianity

Passion Points – Single Life

On By BrianIn Family Collection, PASSION Points

In keeping with our theme this week, here are some good articles about the single life:

Tim Keller reminds us that singleness is a good Biblical option in a world that either trivializes or idolizes family.

Brooks Waldron considers the meaning of singleness.

Finally, Dave Egner has a booklet in pdf format you can read online that explodes myths, considers Scriptures, and addresses issues related to the single life.  Highly recommended for singles and indeed anyone in the church.

Next week, we’ll continue looking at the single life as we consider benefits, as well as the right focus.

Challenges of the Single Life 2

On By BrianIn Church Life, Family/Single Life

It is good to be single, but there are challenges.  One challenge is self-control, which we considered yesterday.  Another challenge is loneliness.

Challenge #2 – Loneliness

This is a huge challenge for many singles.  I was single for eight years, and it was a challenge to me.  However, it would be good to begin with the realization that marriage is not the cure for loneliness.  There are many lonely married people.  Even in good marriages, your spouse will not meet all your relational needs.  Guys need guy comaraderie.  Ladies need girl friends.  Men and women are built differently, and we need friends of the same gender.  Put bluntly, a spouse is not God – a spouse simply cannot meet all your needs.  Now certainly a spouse can help with this challenge, but so can friends.  To address the challenge of loneliness, we need community – we need family.

As Barry Danylak points out in his book Redeeming Singleness, physical offspring was of high priority in the Old Testament.  And so the physical family was of central importance.  But starting with the prophets who forsaw the New Covenant, and especially in the New Testament, the focus shifts to spiritual offspring, to making disciples (Isaiah 53:10, 54:1, Galatians 4:19, Matthew 28:19-20, etc.).  And so in the New Testament a spiritual family becomes the focus; that is, the church.

Whether single or married, God has provided us with a new family.  God has adopted us as his children.  In Christ, we are brothers and sisters.  Jesus points us to this new family.  Consider for instance, Matthew 12:46-50:

While he was still speaking to the people, behold, his mother and his brothers stood outside, asking to speak to him. But he replied to the man who told him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” And stretching out his hand toward his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers! For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.”

Jesus tells us that his disciples are his new family.  Those who believe in and follow Jesus have become a new family.  Or consider Jesus’ words in Mark 10:29-30:

Jesus said, “Truly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands, for my sake and for the gospel, who will not receive a hundredfold now in this time, houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions, and in the age to come eternal life.

If we leave our physical family behind, how do we gain a family a hundredfold?  We gain a spiritual family – God’s church.  And how should we treat one another in the church?  Consider Pauls’ words in I Timothy 5:1-2:

Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father, younger men as brothers, 2 older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, in all purity.

The church is a family and we should treat one another as family. 

To address loneliness, we need community, we need family.  And God has provided us with a new family.  Singles don’t need to marry to find family, they already have a family in the church.  If the church is functioning right, singles can find the community they need in their church family.  “If” of course is the big word here.  How many of our churches are functioning as a family?

What singles need is not be split off into a singles group; they need their church family.  They need the church to be the family God designed it to be.  That means we care for each other and serve one another.  It means we get together during the week for meals and activities.  I’m not talking about church programs here, but people just getting together as family.  It means we invite people over to our homes, and visit in other people’s homes.  It means we call each other on the phone, e-mail each other, maybe use Facebook.  It means we make sure no one is alone on holidays.  It means we celebrate each other’s birthdays.  It means we break free from the individualism of our culture.  It means married folks realize that the church is a family, and that they have obligations to this family as well as their physical one.  It means we act like family. 

This is one of my dreams for the church I pastor – that we would act like the family we are.  That singles and married folks alike would be attracted to our church because they find in it a family.  By God’s grace, we are moving in this direction, though we have a long ways to go as well.  What about your church?  Don’t grumble that your church isn’t like that.  Be the catalyst to change things.  Start inviting people to your home.  Make sure no one is alone on holidays.  Celebrate birthdays.  Start to treat your church as family.

Loneliness is a real challenge for singles, and married people too.  God designed the church to be the family we need.  Let’s seek to be that family!

Challenges of the Single Life

On By BrianIn Family/Single Life2 Comments

It is good to be single, but there are challenges.  Of course there are challenges to being married too.  Challenges do not negate the goodness of either singleness or marriage.  Let me address two challenges of the single life – one in this post, and one in the next.

Challenge #1 – Self-Control

We live in a sex-crazed culture that no longer believes sex must be reserved for marriage.  Paul faced a similar situation with the Corinthian church.  And he was very clear, that Christians had to be different:

Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body. – I Corinthians 6:18-20

To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion. – I Corinthians 7:8-9

If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin. But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well. – I Corinthians 7:36-37

Sex is reserved for marriage.  If you cannot exercise self-control, you should marry.  This is the only imperative requiring marriage in the New Testament.  And yet, verse 37 makes it clear that self-control is possible even in a close relationship.  In opposition to much of our culture, we must reject the notion that we are mere animals who can’t help ourselves.  We are image-bearers of God.  And as Christians, we have the Holy Spirit living inside of us to empower us.  We must act like it!

Our world of course does not make this easy.  We must vigilantly guard our eyes and our thoughts (married folks must do this too).  We must embrace the truth that there is more to life than romance and sex.  (Is not our world’s pre-occupation with sex a clear sign of its sickness?)  If we enter a relationship, we ought to keep it non-physical.  The Song of Solomon gives great advice to this end for single people:

I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field,
that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases. – Song of Solomon 2:7

Simply put, don’t do things that stir up feelings that you cannot satisfy.  When I was a teen, all I heard was don’t have sex.  But the Bible tells us not do things that will awaken those desires.  I wonder how many single people struggle or live defeated lives simply because they are unaware of the Bible’s instruction here or have chosen to reject it.  Don’t awaken desires you can’t fulfill.

So the first challenge is self-control.  And it is a real challenge.  But by vigilantly guarding your eyes, thoughts, and desires, with the truth of God’s Word and the power of the Spirit, you can victoriously face this challenge.  It need not define you.  There is much more to life than this.  It really is good to be single.

It Is Good To Be Single

On By BrianIn Church Life, Family/Single Life2 Comments

It is good to be single. 

As Barry Danylak explores in his book, Redeeming Singleness, people in the Old Testament had to marry to have physical offspring.  Offspring was necessary for the coming Messiah, and was closely linked to blessings.  But now the Messiah has come, and our blessings are found in him.  Marriage is no longer necessary.  We have the option to remain single, and it is a good option.

Paul writes in I Corinthians 7:8 – “To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am.”  It is good to remain single like Paul.  Jesus too, the only perfect human being, was single.  It is good to be single.

Of course it is also good to marry.  Paul writes in verses 27-28 – “Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife.  But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned.”  It is okay to be married.  It is okay to be single.  Both are good options. 

We all need to hear this, for the following reasons:

  1. It is common, especially for young singles, to hear on a regular basis certain questions and comments, such as:  “Have you met someone yet?”  “You mean you’re not married yet!  What are you waiting for?”  With numerous variations well-meaning married folks assume single people have to marry, and load essentially unbiblical expectations on them.  Instead married folks should affirm the single person’s current situation as good.  If the single person marries that will be good too, but in the meantime, it is good to be single.
  2. It is entirely possible (and maybe common?) for churches to treat single people as second class citizens.  Rather than incorporate them into the life of the church, we can relegate them to a singles ministry.  Now there is nothing wrong with singles getting together, but they need to be incorporated into the rest of the church.  There are more important things in the Kingdom than marital status.  Beyond church interactions, is the basic attitude that one can find towards singles.  The idea seems to be that singles need to grow up and get married.  In other words, single people by definition are immature.  Especially younger singles may be immature, but getting married hardly makes one suddenly mature.  It is good to be single.  It is good to be married.  There are no second class citizens in God’s Kingdom.  Let’s make sure we treat each other that way.
  3. Singles need to hear that it is good to be single.  Beyond unbiblical church expectations and attitudes, there is the reality of our culture.  Movies, TV, even commercials often suggest that you should have that special someone, though getting married has become a secondary issue.  The classic movie plot remains boy meets girl and they fall in love.  Music is all about romantic love.  Sex is apparently what life is about.  And in the noise of our culture, single folks need to hear again and again – it is good to be single.  There is much more to life than romance and sex.  You are a whole person without a spouse.  Jesus was single.  It is good to be single.

It is good to be single.  Yes, there are some challenges (married folks have challenges too), but there are also some benefits.  We will look at these in upcoming posts….

Book Look: Redeeming Singleness

On By BrianIn Book Look

Redeeming Singleness – Barry Danylak

Redeeming Singleness by Barry Danylak is not your usual book on singleness.  It is not about dating, nor is it even focused on bringing out principles for living the single life.  Rather it offers a tour through the Bible’s teaching on singleness. 

Starting in Genesis, he shows how physical offspring, and hence marriage, were of highest importance in the Old Testament.  Physical offspring was a mark of God’s blessing, and necessary to preserve one’s inheritance and name.  Through physical offspring would come the Messiah.  You did not want to be single in the Old Testament. 

But everything changes in Jesus.  The Messiah has come.  Our eternal inheritance and name are found in Jesus.  The mark of blessing is not having offspring, but being adopted as God’s offspring.  And the focus has moved from physical offspring to spiritual offspring.  Now, it is okay to be single.  Indeed, following Jesus and Paul, it is good to be single.

These are the strands Danylak traces through the pages of Scripture.  He closes by exploring Paul’s sustained discussion of singleness in I Corinthians 6-7, and what that means for singles today. 

By connecting the dots of the Scripture’s teachings on singleness, new insights are gained.  Many books simply re-clothe familiar truths, but I found myself actually learning again and again.  I used his biblical study as the basis of a two week sermon series, and saw the same learning going on in the eyes of the congregation.  His study has become foundational in my thinking on singleness, and will influence directly and indirectly my future posts this week on singleness based on those sermons. Highly recommended for pastors, any who minister to single adults, and anyone who is single.

Passion Points – Valentine’s Day

On By BrianIn Family Collection

Being Valentine’s Day, I thought I’d pass on some helpful links on love and marriage:

Love:  Paul David Tripp unpacks what love really looks like.  Do we love people like this?

Marriage: Tripp discusses the important place of worship in marriage.  Gary and Betsy Ricucci show the difference between pride and humility in marriage, and consider how the gospel changes our marriages.

Passion Points

On By BrianIn PASSION Points

A few good posts on the grace and evangelism for your weekend reading:

Grace: A good illustration from Tullian Tchividjian reminds us that we are saved by God’s grace and not by works.  And then, a quote from Jerry Bridges calls us to remember God’s transforming grace in  our daily lives. 

Evangelism: Four pointers for evangelism from J. Mack Stiles.  And then, Mark Altrogge clears up a common misunderstanding that predestination and evangelism don’t go together.

Hope you have a great Lord’s Day with God and his people!

Next week, we will look at the single life….

Be Still Before God

On By BrianIn Habit Miscellaneous1 Comment

Then Moses went up on the mountain, and the cloud covered the mountain.  The glory of the Lord dwelt on Mount Sinai, and the cloud covered it six days. And on the seventh day he called to Moses out of the midst of the cloud.
– Exodus 24:15-16

Moses goes up on the mountain. 
For six days he is surrounded by God’s glory. 
No instructions.  No commands.  No activities. 
Just dwelling in God’s presence.

How much we need this!
To slow down.  Stop rushing.
Just rest in God’s presence.

Each morning is an opportunity.
To commune with God.
To be still before him.
In awe of his glory.

Yet too often I let the activities of the day crowd in.
My focus is lost in a gigantic to-do-list.
My communion is interupted by an array of projects.
And I need to push them back.
There will be time enough for those things later.
I need to first rest in his presence.

I suspect Moses needed 6 days to just sit in awe.
Before he knew the plan, he needed to know the Planner.
I suspect the same is true for us.

But I’m in a hurry.
I have lots to do.
I don’t want to wait.
I can’t imagine six days!
I want to get busy for God now.

But no – first be still in his presence.
Know him.  Know his glory.  Sit in awe.
Then we will be ready to hear him speak.
Then we will be ready to listen.
Then we will be ready to obey.
But first we must be still before him.

Passion Points – The Church

On By BrianIn Church Collection, PASSION Points

This weekend’s recommended posts all relate to the church. 

First, a helpful reminder of what the church is.  It is a Bride, a Building, and a Body. 

Our approach to gathering as a church on Sunday will make a big difference.  Tullian Tchividjian gives us a prayer of preparation.  Meanwhile Joshua Harris encourages us to come eager, expectant, and early.  Tim Challies gives us ideas for before the service, during the service, and after the service.  And if you must come grumpy (which you shouldn’t!), Chris Brauns reminds you not to spit in everyone else’s Sunday Dinner (of the Word)!

Hope you have a great Lord’s Day!

KJV 400th Anniversary

On By BrianIn Uncategorized

The King James Version of the Bible turns 400 this year.  It has had a huge impact on the English language and the English world.  It has also had a large impact on many newer English translations including the New King James Version, the New American Standard Bible, and the English Standard Version.  Want to learn more?  You can sign up to receive a free copy of Christian History magazine’s upcoming issue on the KJV.  I’m looking forward to reading it.  Deadline to reserve your free copy is February 14.