Tag: Marriage

Passion Points

On By BrianIn Family Collection, PASSION Points

I’m preaching on love in the family tomorrow, so here are some good posts on family love:

22 Descriptions of Marital Love – Paul Tripp (via R. W. Glenn)
1. Love is being willing to have your life complicated by the needs and struggles of your husband or wife without impatience or anger.
2. Love is actively fighting the temptation to be critical and judgmental toward your spouse, while looking for ways to encourage and praise.

Leading in Love – Wayne Grudem (via Tim Challies)
Headship doesn’t mean selfishness. It means being willing to give of yourself for your wife and care for her as well.

Christian Husband’s Only Option: Love Your Wife – Jason Helopoulis
Every Christian husband knows that in Ephesians 5 the husband is exhorted to love his wife as Christ loved the Church. What many of us need to hear, especially in Western modern culture, is that an aspect of Christ’s love for the Church is that it endures. Christian husbands must take note that Christ’s love for the Church is not momentary or even for a season. It is a love that continues. It is steadfast and true. And these qualities are to mark a husband’s love for his wife. There is no other option.

When I Don’t Feel Love for My Spouse – Steve Cornell (via Gospel Coalition)
A woman once told me that she planned to leave her husband because she “just didn’t love him anymore.” I asked her to change the way she worded what she planned to do so that her decision could be understood accurately. I asked her to say it this way: “I am choosing to no longer value my husband and to break my commitment to remain faithful to him.”

If you are married, I hope these posts will help to strengthen your marriage.  And as always, have a great Lord’s Day worshiping our Savior who loved his church and gave himself up for her.

Wedding Charge

On By BrianIn Family/Single Life

I was able to officiate at a wedding last weekend.  It was a beautiful ceremony on the beach of Lake Michigan.  The charge they asked me to use was from the Christian Wedding Planner by Ruth Muzzy and R. Kent Hughes – a book I highly recommend.  The charge contained many things we may seldom consider in our day.  For those of you who are married, I thought it might be helpful to reflect on these words which I slightly modified for last weekend’s wedding:

Today you are presenting yourselves before this congregation to declare your intention of uniting your lives voluntarily and honorably for the service of God and man.  You are making a double dedication:

  • To each other, in a lasting and indivisible union that shall endure for the remaining years of your lives;
  • And to God, that he may make you his dual instrument for the accomplishment of his purpose both in and by your personalities. 

The achievement of this purpose will require

  • Appreciation of each other’s abilities and virtues,
  • Forgiveness of each other’s faults, and
  • Unfailing devotion to each other’s welfare and development. 

There must be on your part a united consent to the purpose of God as he progressively reveals it to you by his Word and by his Spirit, and an unhesitant acceptance by faith of the challenges that he sets before you.

I charge you, therefore, first of all, to consider that your promises to each other are made in the presence of a God who remembers your pledges and who holds you responsible for performing them.  They must be kept inviolable before Him.

I admonish you to keep in mind that each of you is the object of Christ’s redemption and should be valued accordingly.  Neither should be neglected or belittled by the other.  Esteem each other as God’s gift for mutual aid, comfort, and joy, and as a repository of complete confidence and trust.

I encourage you to share willingly and sympathetically your joys and worries, your successes and your struggles, and to be neither conceited by the former nor depressed by the latter.  Whichever may prevail, cling closely to each other, that defeats may be met by a united strength and victories by a united joy.

I charge you to make your home a place where you will have a refuge from the storms of life not only for yourselves but also for all who enter your home.  Let it be a haven for the weary, a source of uplift for the discouraged, and a convincing testimony to a cynical world.

In short, recognize the Lord Jesus Christ as the head of your house, the ruler of your destinies, and the object of your deepest affection.  If you do, he will confirm your marriage by his guidance and will overshadow it with his peace.  I charge you to love each other, to support each other, and to serve him with sincere hearts and determined wills until your mutual service for him shall be completed.

May God help our marriages look more and more like this, that they might be authentic reflections of Christ and his church.

Family Quotes To Ponder

On By BrianIn PASSION Quotes

The joy of marriage: To be loved well and known deeply by one
is far more fulfilling than being adored by many and truly known by none.
– Gary Thomas

How soon marriage counseling sessions would end
if husbands and wives were competing in thoughtful self-denial.
— Walter Chantry

Some say, “I can’t love my spouse because he/she is so different than me.”
Then how will you ever love God? Is He just like you?
– Gary Thomas

Begin early to teach, for children begin early to sin.
— C.H. Spurgeon

Passion Points

On By BrianIn PASSION Points

Here are some good posts on loving others:

5 Love Languages of Leviticus – Leviticus 19:9-18 commands that we love our neighbor as ourself. What does it mean to love your neighbor as yourself?

3 Reasons to Prioritize Your Marriage Over Your Children – There is sometimes a tendency to prioritize our children to the neglect of our marriage. There are at least three reasons that make prioritizing our children over our marriage both foolish and dangerous….

Parents and the Image of God – They [children] are image bear­ers.  They are crea­tures, made by God and for God.  They are given glory and honor by God.  They have inher­ent value, of greater worth than ani­mals.  How we treat the image of God is how we treat God.  The dig­nity of humans is built into the Law and the Prophets and the Gospel.  And we must see our chil­dren as image bearers.

Hope you have a great Lord’s Day worshipping the Lord as you love your fellow image-bearers.

Family Quotes To Ponder

On By BrianIn PASSION Quotes

The Christian is supposed to love his neighbor,
and since his wife is his nearest neighbor,
she should be his deepest love.
– Martin Luther

Let the measure of God’s grace to you in the cross of Christ
be the measure of your grace to your spouse.
– John Piper

Which of you by being angry can add a single hour to his span of life?
Or any affection to your marriage?
– John Piper

God often disapproves of his children’s behavior.
But he never treats us with contempt.
Imitate him in your disapproving.
– John Piper

Happy is that family where the worship of God
is constantly and conscientiously maintained.
– John Newton

Passion Points

On By BrianIn Idolatry, PASSION Points

Here are some good reads for your weekend:

Gospel

Mark Altrogge ponders the suffering of our Savior.  Meanwhile, here is another post refuting the idea that we are worth dying for.  (See my post from earlier this week here.)

Idolatry

Here is a helpful interaction with Johan Herman Bavinck’s thoughts on three common idols – money, honor, and pleasure.

Family

Matthew Barrett gives us an interesting look at Martin Luther’s marriage to Katherine Von Bora as he brings out the idea that marriage is a context for growth in character.

Church

Finally, R.W. Glenn shares nine things you should pray for your pastor.

Hope you have a great Lord’s Day worshipping the Lord with your church family!

Passion Points – Family

On By BrianIn Family Collection, PASSION Points

In keeping with the theme of the last few posts, here are some good links on marriage and the family.

First, Jared Wilson gives some direction for a grace-driven marriage.  Justin Taylor gives some thoughts from John Piper on the husband’s call to lead in reconciliation after the inevitable quarrels of marriage.

You might also check out some helpful booklets on marriage from RBC Ministries that you can view on-line:

Building Blocks To A Strong Marriage

What Is The Promise of Marriage?

Abigail & Leah: Living In A Difficult Marriage

When The Flame Flickers: Rekindling Intimacy In Your Marriage

Finally, here are some helpful links related to some family issues recently in the news:

Albert Mohler gives some helpful commentary on President Obama’s recent announcement that the Justice Department will no longer defend the Defense of Marriage Act.  You might also consider John Piper’s reaction.

Meanwhile, Joel Northrup, a high school student in Iowa, refused to wrestle  against a girl in the state championship wrestling tournament.  Despite there being good moral reasons for Northrup to take this stand, much of the media has lambasted him.  Albert Mohler and John Piper again give helpful commentary on this clash of worldviews related to the family.

Consummation: Marriage Transcended

On By BrianIn Family/Single Life

At Creation, God defined marriage.  At the Fall, marriage was complicated.  In Redemption, marriage can be transformed by grace.  At the Consummation, marriage will be transcended.

There will be no marriage in heaven, in the resurrection, in the New Earth.  Jesus makes this clear in Luke 20:34-36:

And Jesus said to them, “The sons of this age marry and are given in marriage, but those who are considered worthy to attain to that age and to the resurrection from the dead neither marry nor are given in marriage, for they cannot die anymore, because they are equal to angels and are sons of God, being sons of the resurrection.
– Luke 20:34-36

At least two things follow from this.  First, marriage is not the ultimate reality.  God is.  While I must be the best spouse I can be, my first allegiance is to God.  I dare not let marriage become an idol that I put before God.

Second, this life is all I have to be the best spouse I can be.  One day I will be conformed into the image of Christ, but then it will be too late for me to be a better spouse because then there will be no more marriage.  This life is all I have.  And this life is short.  There are no guarantees of tomorrow.  This day is all I have to be the best spouse I can be.  Perhaps God will give us tomorrow.  In that case, it will be another opportunity to be the best spouse I can be.  It is too easy to put this off, to assume that we have lots of time.  But we may not.  Let’s use each day as a new opportunity to be the best spouse we can be. 

What will you do today to be build your marriage, to show your love, to be a better spouse?

Fall/Redemption: Marriage Complicated and Transformed

On By BrianIn Family/Single Life

In creation, God defined marriage.  And we would all live happlily ever after, except for the Fall.

Fall: Marriage Complicated

Because of our sin, the world is now cursed.  That mutual help between spouses has been complicated by much harder work.  Spouses get sick, grow old, and die.  Couples can see their children die.  Other couples aren’t able to have children.  The Fall complicates marriage, and that doesn’t even take into account our sin.

There is a great book title by Dave Harvey called “When Sinners Say I Do.”  You married a sinner.  So did your spouse.  And our sin complicates marriage in untold ways.  Selfishness can wreak havoc on companionship.  Self-centeredness can destroy mutual help.  A spouse can refuse to really leave parents.  Couples divorce.  A spouse may have an affair.  Even children can be turned into idols.  Hurtful words and actions.  Explosions of anger.  Strife.  Abuse.  A lack of love.  Sin can hurt marriages in countless ways and bring untold heartache, pain, struggle, turmoil, and misery.  Your spouse is a sinner.  So are you.  And if God left marriage there, we would be in a heap of trouble.  But God didn’t leave marriage there, which brings us to redemption.

Redemption: Marriage Transformed By Grace

In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace. – Ephesians 1:7

We deserved judgment for our sins.  But Jesus died so that we could be forgiven of every sin.  Instead of judgment, we received grace.  And as we receive his grace, our marriages can be transformed as we extend that grace to our spouse. 

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
– Ephesians 4:31-32

These words were written in the context of the church family, but they apply incredibly well to marriage as well.  Instead of having marriages full of anger and malice, God calls us to forgive as he forgave us.  To extend the grace we received to our spouse.  And as we recognize our sin and receive God’s grace, we can then also acknowledge our sin to our spouse and seek their forgiveness.  As spouses extend and receive grace from each other, they can reconcile with each other instead of letting divisions linger.  They can follow the instructions given just a few verses earlier: “do not let the sun go down on your anger” (Ephesians 4:26).

Marriage is transformed by grace as spouses extend and receive grace from each other.  But grace transforms marriage in another way:

For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age.
– Titus 2:11-12

God’s grace not only forgives sin, but it trains us not to continue in it.  God’s grace can help us be the people God created us to be.  His grace can help us overcome the sin that wrecks marriages.  His grace can help us be better wives and husbands as we cooperate with God’s working in our lives.

So marriage is complicated by the Fall.  But Jesus came not only to save us from our sins, but also to transform our marriages by his grace.  As we receive grace from God, we can extend that grace to our spouse and receive grace from our spouse.  As we cooperate with God’s grace, we can begin to overcome sin and become better husbands and wives.  May we grow in the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ!

Creation: Marriage Defined

On By BrianIn Family/Single Life3 Comments

In the last few posts we have focused on the single life.  Starting with this post, we now want to consider marriage.  We want to consider marriage because many are married.  We also need to think biblically about marriage in the midst of a culture which is increasingly rejecting God’s definition of marriage.  So today we begin with creation where we find marriage defined in Genesis 2:18-25:

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said,
“This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

From this passage we see that marriage is defined as:

Close Companionship – It was not good for man to be alone.  He needed a companion. Marriage is about companionship.  Living life together.  Loving each other.  Doing things together.  Talking and listening. 

Mutual Help – God said he would make a helper fit for the man.  Marriage is about mutual help, as each spouse helps the other.  Often each spouse will bring different strengths, abilities, and interests to the marriage that complement each other and allow them to help each other.  The husband and wife each have different roles that they are to fulfill, and in doing so, help each other.  When one is sick or tired or overwhelmed, the other can help.  There should be a willingness to serve the other.

Between a Man and a Woman – These verses are very clear that marriage is between a man and a woman.  Much of our culture rejects that idea, but God is very clear about what he defines as marriage.  Enough said.

Leave Parents – A man shall leave his father and his mother.  Marriage entails leaving one’s parents.  Not neglecting or ignoring, but a real leaving.  The couple is forming a new family.  Neither one can keep going back to Mom or Dad.  One’s spouse must now be that primary relationship. 

Hold Fast – The man is to hold fast to his wife.  Marriage is about a commitment.  The couple is to hold fast to one another.  The KJV uses the word cleave.  They are to cling to each other and never let go.  They are glued to each other.  It is to be a permanent thing.  As Jesus says in Matthew 19:6 – “What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”  This puts the commitment in a whole new light.  It is not just a commitment between two individuals, but rather God himself joins them together.

One Flesh – They shall become one flesh.  It is within the covenant of marriage that sex is to take place.  Again much of our culture has rejected this, but God is very clear.  And this one flesh relationship is very important in marriage.  Paul reminds us in I Corinthians 7:3-5, that sex is to be a regular part of the marriage relationship.  What’s more, each one belongs to the other.  They are truly one.

Possibility of Children – In Genesis 1:28, God blesses Adam and Eve and calls them to be fruitful and multiply.  The one flesh relationship of a husband and wife brings the possibility of children as God blesses.

In Creation then, God defines marriage as a close companionship of mutual help between a man and a woman who leave their parents, hold fast to each other in a one flesh relationship with the possibility of children.  Is this your view of marriage?  And if you are married, are there areas where you need to grow in living out this definistion more fully?