In creation, God defined marriage.  And we would all live happlily ever after, except for the Fall.

Fall: Marriage Complicated

Because of our sin, the world is now cursed.  That mutual help between spouses has been complicated by much harder work.  Spouses get sick, grow old, and die.  Couples can see their children die.  Other couples aren’t able to have children.  The Fall complicates marriage, and that doesn’t even take into account our sin.

There is a great book title by Dave Harvey called “When Sinners Say I Do.”  You married a sinner.  So did your spouse.  And our sin complicates marriage in untold ways.  Selfishness can wreak havoc on companionship.  Self-centeredness can destroy mutual help.  A spouse can refuse to really leave parents.  Couples divorce.  A spouse may have an affair.  Even children can be turned into idols.  Hurtful words and actions.  Explosions of anger.  Strife.  Abuse.  A lack of love.  Sin can hurt marriages in countless ways and bring untold heartache, pain, struggle, turmoil, and misery.  Your spouse is a sinner.  So are you.  And if God left marriage there, we would be in a heap of trouble.  But God didn’t leave marriage there, which brings us to redemption.

Redemption: Marriage Transformed By Grace

In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace. – Ephesians 1:7

We deserved judgment for our sins.  But Jesus died so that we could be forgiven of every sin.  Instead of judgment, we received grace.  And as we receive his grace, our marriages can be transformed as we extend that grace to our spouse. 

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
– Ephesians 4:31-32

These words were written in the context of the church family, but they apply incredibly well to marriage as well.  Instead of having marriages full of anger and malice, God calls us to forgive as he forgave us.  To extend the grace we received to our spouse.  And as we recognize our sin and receive God’s grace, we can then also acknowledge our sin to our spouse and seek their forgiveness.  As spouses extend and receive grace from each other, they can reconcile with each other instead of letting divisions linger.  They can follow the instructions given just a few verses earlier: “do not let the sun go down on your anger” (Ephesians 4:26).

Marriage is transformed by grace as spouses extend and receive grace from each other.  But grace transforms marriage in another way:

For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age.
– Titus 2:11-12

God’s grace not only forgives sin, but it trains us not to continue in it.  God’s grace can help us be the people God created us to be.  His grace can help us overcome the sin that wrecks marriages.  His grace can help us be better wives and husbands as we cooperate with God’s working in our lives.

So marriage is complicated by the Fall.  But Jesus came not only to save us from our sins, but also to transform our marriages by his grace.  As we receive grace from God, we can extend that grace to our spouse and receive grace from our spouse.  As we cooperate with God’s grace, we can begin to overcome sin and become better husbands and wives.  May we grow in the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ!