It is good to be single, but there are challenges. Of course there are challenges to being married too. Challenges do not negate the goodness of either singleness or marriage. Let me address two challenges of the single life – one in this post, and one in the next.
Challenge #1 – Self-Control
We live in a sex-crazed culture that no longer believes sex must be reserved for marriage. Paul faced a similar situation with the Corinthian church. And he was very clear, that Christians had to be different:
Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body. – I Corinthians 6:18-20
To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion. – I Corinthians 7:8-9
If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin. But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well. – I Corinthians 7:36-37
Sex is reserved for marriage. If you cannot exercise self-control, you should marry. This is the only imperative requiring marriage in the New Testament. And yet, verse 37 makes it clear that self-control is possible even in a close relationship. In opposition to much of our culture, we must reject the notion that we are mere animals who can’t help ourselves. We are image-bearers of God. And as Christians, we have the Holy Spirit living inside of us to empower us. We must act like it!
Our world of course does not make this easy. We must vigilantly guard our eyes and our thoughts (married folks must do this too). We must embrace the truth that there is more to life than romance and sex. (Is not our world’s pre-occupation with sex a clear sign of its sickness?) If we enter a relationship, we ought to keep it non-physical. The Song of Solomon gives great advice to this end for single people:
I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field,
that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases. – Song of Solomon 2:7
Simply put, don’t do things that stir up feelings that you cannot satisfy. When I was a teen, all I heard was don’t have sex. But the Bible tells us not do things that will awaken those desires. I wonder how many single people struggle or live defeated lives simply because they are unaware of the Bible’s instruction here or have chosen to reject it. Don’t awaken desires you can’t fulfill.
So the first challenge is self-control. And it is a real challenge. But by vigilantly guarding your eyes, thoughts, and desires, with the truth of God’s Word and the power of the Spirit, you can victoriously face this challenge. It need not define you. There is much more to life than this. It really is good to be single.
Brian J. Mikul 